How to Fail at Absolutely Everything!

How not to grow Flowers

April 23rd, 2007 SlickChick

I’ve never had green fingers, so this particular failure comes easy to me. Apparently, growing flowers from seeds is the most difficult way of doing it as opposed to buying the plant at your local garden center and just watering it until you see flowers, so id opt for the seed approach to maximize your chances of failure.

Checking the sowing times is not recommended, just wait til you’re in the mood and then go into the garden and chuck them on the ground. Kick a bit of dirt over them with your foot and then chuck a bucket or two of water over the whole lot and wait expectantly.

If you fancy having a go at growing flowers from bulbs, then you need to invest in a shovel, and bury and little suckers as far down as you dare go without unearthing a water mains or the pet dog that you buried six months earlier. When they are good and buried, stamp the earth down good and hard.

If, after all your efforts the little blighters still manage to bloom, then here’s a few tips to make sure they don’t mock you for long. If it’s summer, then DON’T water them, and if its winter, then water them liberally at least twice a day. Also, try transplanting them to a part of the garden that is well walked on, i.e. the edge of the path, or next to the dogs kennel!!
All flowers and plants love frost, so make sure they are exposed to it as often as possible.

Tags [ Fun | Funny | Humour | Humor | Life | garden | flower | seed | home and gardening ]

Entry Filed under: General, Gardening