Based on in depth research undertaken over an extended period of time I am delighted to be able to offer you some golden rules for reliably losing money playing the Lotto / National Lottery - a must read for all those people who find themselves with too much spare change each week.
First of all you actually have to buy some lotto tickets if you’re going to stand a chance of losing your hard earned cash. You’re never going to get through your excess money if you can’t decide what numbers to go for.
Lotto Tip #1: Decide the amount of money you want to lose before you buy your lottery tickets, multiply this amount by 1.2 and this is the number of tickets you should buy (on average)… so lets say you want to lose £10 per week, then this would mean buying 12 £1 tickets.
Lotto Tip #2: Don’t check the results of the draw! Just assume that your tickets weren’t winners, that none of your numbers matched, and bin your ticket - this assumption is correct most of the time anyway so you’ll save time as well by adopting this approach.
Lotto Tip #3: Just view your buying of lotto tickets as your way of doing ‘your bit for charity’. It’s not the winning that matters it’s the charitable giving, did you know that for each £10 you spend a whopping 50p will go to ‘charity’! Just write the other £9.50 off as stupidity tax.
Lotto Tip #4: Gambling in the UK and other parts of the world is reserved for only ‘adults’ i.e. those being 18 years old and up. However, the Lotto is an excellent way for youngsters beneath this age to lose unneeded pocket money and develop deleterious gambling habits early in life as you can legally ‘play’ the National Lottery from the age of 16 years old - this legislative inconsistency is a very noble gesture from the Government.
Lotto Tip #5: Finally, remember you’re in it for the long haul so don’t be put off by any short-term wins… if you do win then don’t lose heart, just buy a few extra tickets next week and you’ll soon be back to your losing ways.
Should you be extremely unfortunate and actually win the UK Lotto jackpot then you will have to resort to other money shedding strategies to deplete your cash winnings at a suitably quick rate as buying millions of Lotto tickets would only really be feasible for people whose favourite video is the unabridged version of the “Top 100 Puddles Evapourating Caught on Camera”.
Thankfully though the chances of you winning the UK Lotto / National Lottery are approximately 1 in 14,000,000 which means that if you spend £10 per week on Lotto tickets every week from your 16th birthday then, discounting the money you’ve spent on the tickets, you would have a 50/50 chance of having strook it lucky by your 13,477th birthday! Interestingly, taking today’s £million as a benchmark, if the winnings went up (say with inflation, cost of living etc) at a rate of say 4% per year then the jackpot would be an amazing £3.7614E+229… or, to put it another way, £376, 140, 000, 000, 000, 000 , 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000 (no joke!)
Or, an equally bizarre way of looking at it would be that, if you played the Lotto every week from your 16th birthday then you’d need to buy 2,104 lotto tickets per week every week (yes, that’s nearly £110,000 per year!) to have a 50 / 50 chance of winning the lottery by the time you reached 80 years of age!
Tags [
Fun |
Funny |
Humour |
Humor |
Life |
gamble |
gambling |
lotto |
lottery |
Money |
uk lottery
]
October 27th, 2006
I have spent many months researching financial spread betting and have painstakingly devised a trading system that will reduce the size of your capital by 40% per month… the steps are easy to follow and it won’t take more than about 10mins per day to make quite serious financial losses.
First you need to open a financial spread betting account, derr!
Then you need to get hold of some share price charts from ADVFN or Yahoo and look at them for some different stocks that have interesting sounding names. I like stocks like Antofagasta and Astrazeneca and even Rio Tinto rather than shares like BP or Tesco which sound quite dull and dreary.
OK, so you’ve selected some shares to monitor and you’ve loaded a few historical price charts in your browser and you’re looking at them pretending that you know what all the lines, numbers and different colours mean. You now need to scowl a bit at the screen while rubbing your chin and, with the other hand, point at the screen waving your finger in a way that looks knowledgeable while muttering under your breath. Anyone stood behind you will easily mistake you for a competent and professional trader.
After you’ve bluffed this for a while you then need to open a position (i.e. place a spread bet) - if you don’t how else will you reach your target of decreasing capital by 40% per month? This is the crucial step, as a wrong decision here could go against you and mean that you end up making thousands rather than loosing money. To improve your chances of success you need to make sure that you don’t check any headlines / news etc and tell yourself that Bloomberg is a Belgian wine or something rather than a TV channel. Ignorance is key here as any bit of knowledge or understanding you have about the shares or market indices you are investing in could mean that you make a more informed decision and don’t lose as much money as could have done. Remember, the only ‘riches’ that ‘ostriches’ have is in their name, so take a leaf out of their book and keep that head of yours under sand!
Instead of logic, rationality and market information, your guiding light is your guts! Go with the ‘feelings’ you get about a stock, for instance, you might think that ‘Rio Tinto’ is some sort of south american holiday resort that you might like to visit… sounds fun, so I’d long (i.e. buy) that stock! ‘Astra zen eca’ may make you think of a beaten up vauxhall car favoured by Buddhist drivers and you may decide that’s a signal to short (i.e. sell) that stock. Make your decisions based on gut feel rather than cold hard data.
To maximise your losses it is important that you don’t obsessively monitor how the shares are doing as you may be tempted to cut your losses too early before they have troughed fully. As a general rule you should only check your financial spread betting account every couple of weeks or so.
Two other top tips that enable unprofessional traders to really lose money hand over fist are to set a stop loss this can automatiocally close your bet if it starts to go the wrong way i.e. if you’ve gone long on Rio Tinto and the shares actually start to rocket you’ll want to bail before you’ve made too much of a killing - stop losses are a good way of doing this. The last tip to really maximise your loss-making potential is to choose high priced stocks in volatile sectors such as mining. Stock like this can really deplete your reserves fast.
Remember, the above outlined share trading system does not come with any guarantees but we have found that by using it it is possible to make significant losses in a short space of time. If you are unlucky or misapply the trading system then you may find that you actually make a profit - we cannot be held accountable for such an eventuality so don’t be coming to us with your cheque book in hand trying to offload your gains on us!
If you have had ongoing success at donating money to your favourite financial spread betting company using different trading systems then let us know your story!
Tags [
Fun |
Funny |
Humour |
Humor |
Life |
Money |
finance |
Business |
Investing |
stock-market |
Stocks |
stock trading
]
October 23rd, 2006